IMMIGRATION REFORM - THE DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD A GUEST EDITORIAL BY OUR OLD PAL GESSIER What's up, Pal? On the horizon is yet another dangerous move by DubyaCo. I'm of the opinion that Bush's initiative to reform immigration is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, there will be the appearance of increased border security, while on the other, the GOP will be recruiting new republicans...after all, it worked really well in Florida with the Cubans. According to the 2000 census, there are 20 million Mexicans residing in the US, not counting the millions of illegal aliens nor the millions that will arrive after the immigration reform. And knowing that people vote their own personal interests, there is a distinct possibility now that this demographic could shift it's political affiliation, which in turn would serve California over to the GOP on a platter. And that's just the short term. What happens when these people get educated and start competing in the job market? In 20 to 30 years, we'll need more people to do the work the Mexicans don't want to do anymore. Case in point, the menial labor they're coming here to pursue are tasks vacated by the African-Americans. I have nothing against people of any race, so for me, this is not a racial issue. But before we invite this multitude of individuals over, perhaps the PTB should consider solutions to the many problems in this country that have not been addressed, including health care, child care, employment, crime, you know, little things like that. Yes, we do need border security and yes, we do need immigration reform, but what we don't need is a solution to a single problem that creates or exacerbates a plethora of other problems that our government as shown they have neither the capacity nor inclination to address. Now, if this immigration reform discussion heats up on Capitol Hill and the Dems are able to defeat it, the Dems will start to the lose the Hispanic vote anyway. No one cares what's best for the country anymore...only their personal interest. - YOPGessier [I'd love to say "there are no easy answers", but I can't, because that, in itself, is an easy answer. - Jerky] Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com

ON THIS DAY April 12 On this day in 1633, the Roman Catholic Church launches the first major salvo in organized religion's ongoing War Against Science by siccing the Inquisition on Galileo Galilei, you know, because he's just too fucking smart. On this day in 1861, the treasonous South writes a check they can't cash when they fire on Fort Sumter, in the harbor of Charleston, South Carolina, thus kicking off the Civil War. Three years later, on this day in 1864, Confederate forces under General Nathan Bedford Forrest massacre the black soldiers who had been taken prisoner at Fort Pillow, Tennessee. Small surprise, then, that Forrest would go on to found the K-of-the-KKK. On this day in 1945, President Franklin D. Roosevelt dies during his fourth term in office. While 97% of America mourns, the DuPonts, Harrimans, Mellons, Scaifes, Rockefellers, Coorses, Hearsts, Dulleses, Walkers and Bushes all gather for a celebration that looks like a cross between the orgy scene in Eyes Wide Shut and the goriest parts from the original Dawn of the Dead. On this day in 1961, commie-naut Yuri Gagarin becomes the first man to fly in space. Gotta respect that. On this day in 1994, Canter & Siegel post the first ever commercial mass Usenet spam. That, you don't gotta respect.

THEY SAID IT! "The cost of flawed leadership continues to be paid in blood. We need fresh ideas and fresh faces, and that means as a first step, replacing Rumsfeld and many others unwilling to fundamentally change their approach." - Lieut. General Greg Newbold (ret.) has some choice words for vampiric DefSec Donald Rumsferatu. *** **** *** "I would take this as evidence that the search for scapegoats with regard to the Iraq war has now been fully engaged by the military. The officer corps doesn't want to get stuck with responsibility for a war that has already proven to be a disappointment and could result in failure. This is an indication that Rumsfeld has been selected as the military's preferred scapegoat." - Andrew J. Bacevich, a professor of international relations at Boston University and a Vietnam veteran, explains why he believes recently retired senior officers have taken the nearly unprecedented step of criticizing civilian leaders while troops were still in the field. Sounds like bullshit to yer old pal Jerky. I think they're just honestly freaking out. But hey, I'm not a Vietnam vet, so...

JOKES! Today's first joke was sent in by N8Possibilities! Three Rednecks were working on the Bell South tower - Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife." Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser. Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?" "Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies. "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?" "Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'." She said, "No, I'm not a widow." And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are." *** *** *** Thanks to our old pal Nan or Ben for sending in today's second joke. A man was sitting on a London train eating a bag of fresh shrimps, ripping off the heads and shells and then throwing them out of the window. After he had gobbled a few of them down an older woman opposite him said, "Would you mind not doing that? It's disgusting to watch." "Listen love." He replied, "It's got nothing to do with you, I've paid my fare for this journey and I'll do what I damn well want on this train." He carried on ripping off the shells, throwing them out of the window and eating the shrimps. Finally he finished the bag and settled back for a little sleep. The woman then started some knitting and all the man could hear while he was trying to sleep was the incessant clicking of her knitting needles. After a while, he sits back up and says to the woman, "Could you stop that noise, can't you see I'm trying to sleep?" "It's got nothing to do with you," replies the old woman, "I've paid my fare and I'll do what I want on this train." At that, the man grabbed the woman's knitting and threw it out of the window. The woman immediately stood up and pulled the train alarm cord. The man burst out laughing and said, "Ha ha, you'll get fined £200 for that!" To which the old woman replied, "And you'll get six years when the police smell your fingers!" WORST JOKE OF THE DAY Today's groaner was sent in by Bobby V... I hear they caught Osama Bin Laden in Australia, shagging sheep. He insisted that they were all 'islams!!!

FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE / ASK JERKY! Dear Mr. Jerky... I don't geddit. About every three weeks I see another polling that shows "Bush hitting new low" yet his polling numbers are always between 38% and 40%. Where's rock bottom and who are these idiots that haven't seen the light? Cheers, Andy S. [There are a bunch of different polls. They're all catching up to each other on this race for the bottom. - Jerky] *** **** *** MOPJ Please tell me the TPTB didn't get you. Where ya at man i'm gettin worried? Scoot [You checking the website? It's updated every day, pretty much. - Jerky] *** **** *** Dude, What the hell is the deal with Brtney's triangle-shaped ass? McTubers [I kinda like it, myself! - Jerky] *** **** *** Yo, Jerkydude: Can you feel that heat coming off the street? Millions of illegal aliens take to the streets, waving the Mexican flag, and the pussies in congress caved in and gave them everything they wanted. And most of America, both liberals and conservatives, are really, really pissed. How dare they invade our country and demand the rights of citizens! And now that the illegals have seen how easy it is to intimidate our dickless elected officials, I fear that they will kick it up a notch into full-scale insurrection. Even now there are mini-riots blossoming all over the USA. But the American people won't cower under their beds the way the French did while the muslims were burning down their cities not too long ago. Armed vigilante groups are forming all over the place, and not just in the border states. I hope I'm wrong, but I smell a civil war coming. Meanwhile, our real enemies are watching and waiting like starving wolves at the door, anticipating the day when our country collapses under the weight of this mess. Man, we are so fucked. Crazylady II [No we're not. Get a grip on yourself, Crazylady II. You're freaking out over what amounts to a couple of 'Cinqo de Mayo' parades. Aside from the sudden spurt of panic-inducing propaganda, today is no different than any random day from last year. Don't believe the pre-election divide-and-conquer hype! - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky, I really don't know how to characterize the relationship between John Kerry and Papa Bush. But their paths have crossed with each on opposite sides of the firing line, i.e., the Iran-Contra scandal and BCCI, and yet they also seem to be joined at the hip. What's your take on this? YOPGessier [I think Kerry is a good man with good intentions, and I think he has a pretty good grasp of what's going on. But I also think he doesn't have what it takes to bring down a world-historic, criminal cabal of this magnitude. - Jerky] *** **** *** MOP Jerky, I was wonderin'... You have a propensity for ponderous proportions of links in the Dirt which brings me to my question... how many link lackeys do you have working at Dirt Inc? Surely you dont find, research, and catalogue every link all by your lonsome because then you surely wouldn't have time for all those bad habits of yours. I'm just curious is all. Oh, and one other question... whatever became of Major Kev? It's been a while since he wrote and I always liked his slant on things. That's it, take a lap, YOP Rick [Readers send in links all the time. As for Major Kev... you're right, it's been an awful long time since we've heard from him. Kev, if you're reading this, please drop us a line! - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky; I reckon you need some poetry to ease your mind. Jerky writes the new stuff, unadulterated news, he also writes for rock fans, and jazz and punk and blues. He really is a smartass, with all his witty crap, he sometimes drives me crazy but The Dirt Is Where It's At. Remember that poem I sent to you a long time back? About the dying Iraquis? Well they are still dying my old friend, and I'm still asking "Who started it all"? The middle eastern nieghbours of continent and world rely on untouched borders to see their flag unfurled Yet troops of foriegn powers still wipe thier dirty boots on lands of MY religion, My world, My life, My roots. All copyrite is mine, but it's all yours as well... spread the word because we are beginning to forget it! AngusinSpain [Thanks, Angus. - Jerky]

Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: feedback@dailydirt.com